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Tales from the Internet
posted by Justin Pierce
on August 07, 2008 at 03:31 PM
filed under: Internet Culture and Entertainment
filed under: Internet Culture and Entertainment
Despite my better judgement, I found myself clicking on yet another obscure list that had made it to Digg’s front page. The list itself, the ten most amazing unreleased things ever made, wasn’t all that amazing, but it did tip me off to a wonderful little Internet gem from 2005. This gem, a 17-page thread from a message board, is about an NES video game that never was. Its also has all the intrigue, drama, treachery, and humor one could want from a story, much less an Internet one. Since I’m sort of a fan of these kinds of stories, I thought I’d pass on my summarized version.
The story starts on an average little website known as Digital Press. Digital Press is a video game database, that happens to also cover the nerdy sub-culture of vintage video game collecting. It was in this forum where a seemingly new member known as paulB812 decided to post a new thread about a game called Bio Force Ape.
First though, here’s a quick backstory about Bio Force Ape. It was originally scheduled to be released on the Nintendo Entertainment System sometime back in 1991. Seta, the game’s developer, made sure that it had all of the usual side-scrolling action tomfoolery. Apart from playing as a genetically enhanced super chimp, players had to fight enemies with acrobatic wrestling moves, ride in coal mining carts, and collect giant apples all while attempting to rescue the chimp’s adopted human family. Even with all that awesomeness, Bio Force Ape was cancelled and never made it to the shelf.
Now to get back to the story. The thread begins with paulB812’s first post on Digital Press:
Hi, I found this at a yardsale while visiting relatives in Carson, California. The plain label caught my eye in a pile of Nintendo cartridges, for 3 dollars I thought why not. After doing some searching online am I right to assume this game has not been released?
This, of course, immediately peaks the interest of a community full of pack rat collectors always eager to find something extremely rare. One member replies with memories of seeing it in Nintendo Power while others send a private messages interested in buying it. The conversation begins to move from nostalgia to worry as some members wonder what the newly uncovered prototype’s fate will be. Another member posts:
Oh. My. God. Long have I waited for this day. I can only hope that it falls into the right hands.
More and more members continue throwing in what they’ve heard about the game:
Some devoted prototype hunters may have more details, but for the general gaming public, those magazine scans represent all we know: Seta developed Bio Force Ape, supposedly finished it, and then decided not to bring it out anywhere. It’s one of the most sought-after unreleased NES games, up there with the Ultimate Journey and Hellraiser.
You’ll get a lot of questions in this thread, so I may as well add to the pile. Does the game have any story sequences in addition to that one shot of the roaring ape?
paulB812 responds with more info on the gameplay:
Kid Fenris, as a matter of fact there is. After level 3 you rescue a girl, here are some of the screens after you beat the level 3 boss. I haven’t got far enough to save anyone else yet.
Talks about “dumping” the game start to fly around the thread and the first claim of its value turns up:
Thats crazy.. finding a unreleased NES game for $3 which is worth maybe $2000++
Advice, dont dump it if you can, the value will drop.
Damn lucky and great find
The act of dumping a game, especially these old cartridge based games, usually means copying the read-only memory (ROM) chip to a digital image. Turns out, some collectors hate when this happens to rare games (esp. prototypes) because those ROMs end up finding their way online. This removes some of the value of the physical game cartridges and whoever dumps it tends to end up profiting for doing it.
The thread continues with members discussing the topics of dumping and greed. At one point the conversation of butter finds a way to work itself into the foray. Talk of buttery bastards, regular butter, peanut butter, and butter fetishes are posted. Butter becomes a running joke in the thread when paulB812 interjects again:
Hey guys I played a little more with the game today and discovered a new move! You hold the punch button, hold down and release and the ape unleashes a super move. It’s so powerful it messes up the game’s graphics.
Paul’s attempt to get the topic back on track has little effect. Typical message board chatter runs rampant with arguments, diatribes, and more. A second attempt to return to the original topic is posted:
As much as I love to discuss the ingestion of swine and the inevitable correlation of butter to hardcore game collectors, we owe it to the thread originator to stay on topic and discuss Bio Force Ape.
Paul, I noticed the ape looks a bit…different in a couple of the photos. If you get another pic as you progress further into the game I would love to see if the ape continues to look like an ape or if it completes its morph into an angry Lou Gossett Jr.
The back and fourth continues. More discussion around the dumping issue is made between purists who are argue against emulation and others who support the idea of sharing it with the masses. Some comments on whether or not the chimp is farting trickle in based on the previous screenshot posted by Paul. Then paulB812 quotes another members post and adds:
My favorite part of this thread is when Dr. Morbis realizes there isn’t a Santa Claus.
All of the posts immediately turn to laughter and praise due to the latest set of screenshots. Then they turn to shout-outs for the thread as a whole and pile on in between other members’ verbose posts about dumping. These posts on dumping as well as laughter, gameplay, and everything else become dispersed amongst each other to a degree where the thread loses most of its linearity. During that whole mess, one member chimes in with a name for the newly found thread hero:
Oh My God….. I don’t even have words for that last set of screenshots…...
Anyone have any ideas on how this game came to end up in a stack of commons?
I think that is the most interesting thing about this game…. (well, asside from the butter monster)
The butter monster takes the spotlight and most of the next few posts move to speculation. Some continue the dilemma of dumping while others remind everyone on the estimated $2000 value of the game. All of this continued debate over dumping and money force paulB812 to post:
Having seen the anger that revealing this game’s existence has caused, I have decided to destroy the cartridge. It is too powerful like that ring some midgets had to throw in a volcano. Please everyone calm down now. It was just a game.
Up to this point I was oddly and completely enthralled with the thread. I had been Googling all the information I could on Bio Force Ape while enjoying the back-and-forth banter that these random people were having over two years ago. Thoughts jumped through my head as I wondered why Paul had smashed the cartridge. I quickly examined the new photo to see if it was a fake or not. I really didn’t know what to think, but after my own moment of surprise had waned, I went back to the thread to read more posts.
Back in the thread, some members reaffirmed its legendary status while others debated the authenticity of the latest bomb dropped by paulB812. Mourning comments begin to sprout up and continue for a while. Some offer to purchase the wreckage. These comments make way for skeptics claiming that the whole thing is nothing more than a complete farce. Images of a supposed Zelda III are posted to support the theory of everything being fake. Paul interjects in briefly:
Everyone keeps saying it was fake but whatever, if that’s your coping mechanism more power to you. I’m going to celebrate Halloween now by absorbing the souls of wandering children if you’ll excuse me.
More and more posts pile onto the thread. At this point, I’ve read through seven pages of posts on a thread that took place years ago. I’ve been a spectator just along for the ride and enjoying every bit of it so far. As I continue to read through more posts, I get to post #180. Paul’s back and he has some important news:
Just to get everyone on the same page this whole thing was fake. I set out to see if I could fool people and did so well I had to make a concerted effort to drag people to the light. I thought for sure the fart so powerful it garbled graphics was going to be it but apparently some guys still believe I smashed the potentially last copy of Bio Force Ape in existence.
And this was a week after that Zelda III mess. Hopefully this will be a powerful lesson to all of you not to be so sure of yourselves in the future.
About the comment asking why I didn’t scam someone for thousands of dollars, I only use my super powers for good, not evil. Okay, that’s subjective. To some third world pot-bellied kid I’m probably the worst villain ever, but I’m okay with that.
Anyway, I’ve shed about 5 pounds just from laughing this week. Game on!
Played. Had. Duped. Conned. It was all a fake. A fake that shouldn’t have surprised me as much as it did because there was one thing that I had completely omitted from my memory. This omission, the top ten list which originally led me to the thread, did so because the thread itself was a prank. In a way though, I’m glad I misplaced that tiny bit of info because the impact of everything may not have been as great as it was. And that impact was great enough to get me to post this blog so that I can share it with you and continue its legacy.
The thread continues to go on for another nine pages. There’s some more good stuff in there, but nothing that really adds any more to the story so I won’t go over that. It’s also still open too and was even rekindled yet again by someone posting about the shout-out from the top ten list. Way to go Internet.
For more info:
The Original Thread
Durbutter.com – A tribute site
Background Info on Bio Force Chimp
paulB812’s Photobucket
A Butter Monster YTMND Page
Another Butter Monster YTMND Page
Durbutter.com – A tribute site
Background Info on Bio Force Chimp
paulB812’s Photobucket
A Butter Monster YTMND Page
Another Butter Monster YTMND Page
Here comes the Petabyte Age
So I was reading a series of articles on Wired about the Petabyte Age.
While I didn’t agree or disagree with the author’s point that massive amounts of data will fossilize the scientific method as we know it, I did start thinking about the future of data and how it will change everything.
Most of the supporting articles talked about existing large databases that are helping people understand immensely complex systems and information. Stuff like a satellite that takes a picture of the entire night sky every three days, unimaginable data from the Large Hadron Collider, years of airline ticket prices, and even the projected agricultural supplies for countries. Some of this stuff has been around since the turn of the century with the others right around the corner. What’s cool about all of this is that we’ve been able to harness huge amounts of data back around same time I was deleting things because I ‘ran out’ of disk space. Back then you had to be able to afford storage to stop worrying about it. Now anyone can get access to more storage than they’ll ever need at almost no cost.
So in comes the Petabyte age. Unlimited data. Not only can we stop worrying about deleting anything ever again, we can now store everything. Literally. Collective human knowledge is growing within Wikipedia and the rest of the Internet daily. We can assume that everything man-made will eventually be cataloged and remembered somewhere. People are blogging and micro-blogging by the minute. They’re shooting videos and taking photos and putting all of this onto digital storage. This is happening now.
Babies being born this very second will have their entire lives digitally recorded once they’ve left the womb thanks to their eager parents. Once they’re old enough to master a language and access a computer, they’ll take over that roll themselves by Facebooking their preschool classmates and emailing around cellphone photos of their boogers and crayon art. None of that sounds too outlandish until you wonder what celebrities or politicians do in the future when their entire lives can be perused by complete strangers. Instantly. Privacy being irrelevant.
That’s all near future stuff though, what’s after that? We could archive every tree on the planet. Then each one of their leaves. Do all the animals while we’re at it. Tracking individual atoms starts to sound less like wizardry when you’re thinking on the infinite storage level. This being the level where things start to get really interesting.
Star Trek brought us science fiction like transporters that memorized our atoms and scattered and resorted them instantly. So in 20 years, or even 10, when every baby’s DNA is coded and their atomic makeup is on file somewhere, we can finally take a crack at thinking about teleportation. THAT’S the future, all of this data and our ability to discover crazy things from it. We’ll be solving problems we never even knew about. Then again, we’ll probably also generate a whole slew of new ones we can’t solve.
Like what happens if all that information starts getting permanently erased…
It’s gonna be awesome.™
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